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Monday, April 7, 2008


Hey Everyone,
We're testing out the blog right now and soon we'll be posting more info for you. In the meantime, sit tight...we'll be back soon.


Blogger William said...

Looks like it works. "Fill it up!"

April 11, 2008 5:25 PM  
Blogger dragongirl324 said...

Hey Bill. Your site is up finally. Bye bye bill.

April 11, 2008 10:36 PM  
Blogger RM said...

Bill, come to Topeka, Kansas!

April 11, 2008 11:01 PM  
Blogger Bill Engvall said...

Hey everyone, the new site is finally up. Quick update we have started filming The Bill Engvall show again and there will be new episodes starting June 12th. Also look for my new movie called Bait Shop starring me and Billy Ray Cyrus on DVD this summer. Take care and tell all your friends to stop by.

April 12, 2008 8:56 AM  
Blogger tyler said...

hey bill, i was watching comedy central the other night. the comedians name i was watching was josh sneed. he is stealing your material. check him out. he not only was telling your jokes but telling other peoples jokes.

April 14, 2008 12:49 PM  
Blogger unclewalt said...

Based on the promos, I simply can't believe that anyone involved in producing, writing, acting in or approving this show actually thinks it's funny. What gives? Should I assume this is like "Alf," where the head writer is on the needle and everybody else is simply soullessly betting on the stupidity of the viewing audience? Not necessarily a bad bet, but still, the promos are so thoroughly vapid and completely lacking in humor or originality that it's hard to come to any other conclusion.

I don't mean to offend anyone personally, but really: you must know this to be true.

April 18, 2008 6:29 PM  
OpenID hornyjuice56537 said...

i like your new sight bill.

personally this guy needs a "here's your sign" award... thought i would share it with you... haha


Burleigh County authorities made a drug arrest after stopping a car on Interstate 94 because it had steam rolling out from under the hood.

Sheriff's Lieutenant Nick Sevart says a deputy discovered a bag of marijuana shoved against the vehicle's air intake, which was causing the car to overheat.

Thirty-seven-year old Johnny Lerma, of Mandan, was charged Friday with felony possession of marijuana with intent to deliver and misdemeanor driving under suspension.

April 19, 2008 12:05 PM  
Blogger wweek said...

Yeah, it's not only unfunny, it's offensively, toxically unfunny. Like, so unfunny it actually hurts.

"Do not call me ma'am."

"OK, ma'am."

I mean, Jesus Christ.....

April 22, 2008 10:18 PM  
Blogger TommyEGun said...

Bill,I have my sign.I saw you way way back in a small hotel bar in the chiago are.You said it was for your daughters collage fund, being I too was from California you put your number on the back 213 829 3597 .I knew you would go far and you have congradulations.

May 15, 2008 4:55 AM  
Blogger TommyEGun said...

I have a autographed sign from Bill ,when he was just starting out any one interested in purchasing it let me know

May 15, 2008 6:35 AM  
Blogger minebriseno5 said...

Hi, Bill
My name is Minnie

Just wanted to know if you have done "here is your sign" on people that have multiple kids.
Example: We have 2 year old triplets boys and there are questions that everyone asks us and I am pretty sure other parants with multiple may relate.

"Oh how cute, are they three (triplets)? uh lets see 1, 2, 3 yep."
Do they cry at the same time? No, they take turns.

Are they the same age? People Triplets, they might of been born at the same time. give or take a minute.

This always gets me :)
Oh are they all boys? I think so let me check.

Anyway, I hope you can talk to other parents of multiples. It would be great material if you already do not have it.

Thanks yor are great.

May 18, 2008 9:14 AM  
Blogger RedneckGirl21 said...

Hey Bill,

You really need to come to PA! I love the heres your sign. I had a friend come to the house the other night, i opened the door and she actually asked me "are you home?" I couldnt resist, i said "No, this is a hollogram, but i should be back later on" and she actually left and came back later. haha Here's Your Sign!

May 19, 2008 11:58 AM  
Blogger maggie said...

Did not know if this ever happened to you, but my husband went to trader horn to get chlorine and ditomeous earth to get our pool opened. The girl at the check out, when i approached said you can leave it it your buggy i will just scan it. Then she looks at me and says oh, do you have a swimming pool. Well , i just lost it right there, i looked at my husband and said, i know what you are thinking, Bill Engvall, don't say a word, and then i just lost it i laughed so hard tears came, and she looked at me and said did i say something wrong.
thought you might get a laugh.
Peg from Pa

June 7, 2008 12:29 PM  
Blogger Captain Fantastic said...

I was watching Family Guy on TBS, and this guy walks into the middle of the screen, pauses the show in mid-sentence with a "universal remote," and then starts talking how I should watch some other show. I wonder if you have a sign for that guy. I mean, if I wanted to watch his show, I'd watch his show. Why would he think it's a good idea to interrupt the show I wanted to watch in an effort to convince me another show is good too?

I'm guessing that you did these promos because TBS is the boss, and the boss gets what the boss wants. Still, you need to know that these promos are making you look like a jerk. They're also costing you (and TBS generally) veiwers. Check out the running thread on TBS's message board that is devoted entirely to your pop-up ads during Family Guy.

June 11, 2008 2:53 PM  
Blogger christina said...

This comment is for Bill Engvall.I think you are a great comedian.i'm verrrry excited to see all your new are my fave.keep the laughs comeing.see ya.


June 12, 2008 5:14 PM  
Blogger christina said...

this is for peg from pa.its so weird that you called your hubby bill engvall.i call my bf that all the time because hes just as much of a always teasing me about things i say.he says its a blonde thing.

June 12, 2008 6:02 PM  
Blogger cece said...

Saw you at Billy Bobs what a show, it was great, fantastic,awesome. You are quite a guy and what made it even more enjoyable you laughed right along with us.
Please come to florida real soon!

June 24, 2008 6:52 PM  
Blogger lucinsa saunders said...

Hey Bill , i've got one for you.


July 18, 2008 9:33 AM  
Blogger Dan The Real Estate Man said...


Here goes my first attempt at blogging

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled
in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned
over to him and asked, 'Are all of those kids yours?'
He replied, 'No. I work for a condom company. These are customer


The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to respond like this?

This is an actual happening from a 'retired' friend in Texas .

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Bisquit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.?

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.? The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.? (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.?

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.?

Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people.? They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

July 27, 2008 9:44 PM  
Blogger Bobby said...

Hey bill great site and most great act. Hey maybe you have an answer for this. I am in the medical field, and I was letting this lady go one morning and I told her to be careful it was raining, and she turned I looked at me and said "OH outside?" I had no comeback. I know you do. Bobby

July 30, 2008 7:46 PM  
Blogger erin said...

hey bill i was hoping you could give me hope as to when you may think of coming to alberta, canada? i have been waiting and have not heard of any shows coming at all. please come i have been waiting for a long time to see your show, i am a very devoted fan and i have a lot of people waiting back here to see you do your thing.
we went to larry's show which was histarical but not Bill Engvall!!!

August 28, 2008 8:20 AM  
Blogger george said...

This just happend and we thouhgt of you
Wife;looking for TWIN sisiter on zaba search she says thats not her wrong birthday
ME DUMB HUBBY: why when was she born
WIFE;you dont need a sign you need a poster.
true story
thanks george & louise
yea were tryin to move on up

November 24, 2008 7:17 PM  
Blogger sisa said...

Hey Bill,
Hope you read these. Need a picture of a Dork Fish for birthday cake for my hubby. Any help would be great.

November 30, 2008 7:35 PM  
Blogger jason-hope said...

Hey Bill,
This is my first time on your site. I like all your shows,and watch every chance I get. Let me get to the whole point of my writing this post.I have a story that I think is a classic "here's your sign" award. This is one that I'd love to see in your line-up at a show. One day my wife and I were on our way to look at double wides and modulars and we stopped at a convenience store kind of in the middle of nowhere. It was a cold windy day,and had been cold for a while so the ponds and lakes were getting frozen. As I was at the counter paying there was a few guys getting gas in a pickup and an aluminum fishing boat. I looked at the cashier and asked her if she thought they were taking the boat to go ice fishing. She replies(and I quote)"gee I don't know,I didn't think it was that cold yet."
Thought this would be pretty good. It made me laugh the rest of the day.

December 11, 2008 7:11 PM  
Blogger ROUGHNECK said...

Hey Bill,i was in gas station last week here in Billings,Mt and i was looking this L.E.D flashlight...this blonde cashier walks up and says can i interest you in this LED light??? i simply asked you mean this L.E.D light?? she grabs the light the out of my hands and says...NO!!! im pretty sure that says LED!!!...The first thing that came to my mind was!!! HERE'S YOU SIGN!!

February 1, 2009 1:32 PM  
Blogger wordsofwisdombykris said...

I never really paid attention to moments in my life where heres your sign would work until I noticed something the other day. Mind you, my sister has done this about three times. She calls me ON MY HOME PHONE and I answer, she says "Are you Home?" ok so the last time she called and said that I responded "Nope, I'm down at the grocery store cause I get better reception there on my house phone"......heres your sign.

February 11, 2009 12:57 PM  
Blogger gottalovecarly said...

Bill, thanks for being the only 'comedian' last night on the Larry the Cable Guy Roast. Tried many times to keep checking back to see if anyone wasn't so vulgar and depraved and happened to see your video. Maybe there were others, but have to tell you that all have dropped to zero for respecability with me after that. Keep up the unoffensive humor. We need laughter and you're dependable and refreshing. Thanks!

March 16, 2009 8:28 AM  
Blogger sdoyle9 said...

This post has been removed by the author.

April 5, 2009 1:31 PM  
Blogger sdoyle9 said...

Curious where Bill got this outrageous accent he has been toting around. He didn't have one when I knew him as the doorman at cafe Dallas.

April 5, 2009 1:34 PM  
Blogger BamaKat_In_MS said...

HEY BILL, About when you said you never have to fart till your wife is in the car? Seems that's like with my husband and I. I'm His FART MAGNET. I SWEAR, EVERYTIME I GET NEAR HIM HE FARTS!!!!!!

July 5, 2009 5:46 PM  
Blogger glory said...

JUst watched your show on comedy central (7-5-09)
Just want to say thank you for giving me a good hearty laugh. I cannot tolerate the filth that other so called comedians use on their shows (including your partner (white) who is on right now.

I appreciate your humor and thank you again.

July 5, 2009 6:25 PM  
Blogger John Sposato said...

Bill, is there a picture of you and of the show's cast I can use on Wikipedia?
Might you perform at the Turning Stone Casino again?
Remember when you were on The Golden Palace? I just realised it was you playing Blanche's son Matthew.
When do you film your show with all the dates lined up? I know it's different with cable.

August 22, 2009 7:04 PM  
Blogger thedigger said...

springfeild illionis (oops)
i only say that for the turn-out was not what i had hoped but my wife and were their and we loved your show i cried till it hurt i only wish that did tickit screaning
we live out side of springfeild for 3yrs now and i don't take my wife out well every hundred years or so but then you came here and i thought ah ha i got it somthing that we can both enjoy "you" my seats were right next to 2 drunk cuples and 2 teen girls with cell phones don't fig. the guy next to me spills his beer all over me and with the teens next to my wife she is haveing a hard time and to make things better im getting a replay of your show the cuple in front of me she is so drunk he has to tell her what you said (every time) until! she gets up and falls down the stairs he he he. the worst thing is that i truly wanted to get a good pic of you my camera didn't but in all we had a good time p.s. i can't spell i should have told you sooner

October 23, 2009 10:02 PM  
Blogger Van W. Tarr said...

This happened in Denver, Co. I was asked to donate blood for a friend and was told the hospital he was in, so I went to the hospital to donate the blood in the evening and asked the girl at the front desk "Were do I donate blood for 'the friend'". She with a straight face asked "do you have it with you?"... Here's your sign!!!!

March 9, 2010 5:44 AM  

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